According to pretty much every romantic movie ever, sex while submerged in steamy water is SO hot. But due to cruel and totally unfair physics, the hot wetness of a hot tub doesn’t translate to hot, wet sex IRL. It does, however, lead to an increased risk of urinary tract infections, weird rashes, and, conversely, some of the most strangely dry sex you could ever have.
Still, if you have hot tub access and end up seeing each other barely clothed and/or naked, you’re probably going to want to bone, despite all of the above. Luckily, there are workarounds! Here’s how to take advantage of that private Jacuzzi sitch.
1
The Shark Fin
Since oral is impossible to pull off underwater, lie back on a towel with your hips at the edge of the tub. Spread your legs, letting your feet dangle in the water, and appreciate what your partner can do with their mouth. If they’re happy soaking among the warm jets, they can stay down below for a bit longer. Win-win for everyone.
2
The Submarine
Since the rule with hot tub water and your vag is None Shall Pass, do a solid for your male partner with an underwater hand job. (Use silicone-based lube because water-based rinses right off.) Kneel facing your partner while they lean back and bliss out to a penis-based spa day. And if you’re rightfully wondering about the orgasmic equality here, this pairs nicely with The Shark Fin.
3
The Water Dog
Okay, fine, how ’bout sex almost in the hot tub—like, near it? Crouch down low on a thick comfy towel with your butt jutting over the edge of the tub. Your partner stands (or kneels on the seat, depending on the setup) to enter or finger you. It is technically hot tub sex, but your vag is safely out of the splash zone.
4
The Shallow
Elevate your sex by literally elevating yourself away from certain unclean water. Try standing sex, using the seat to prop up a foot for much-needed balance. Add a buzzy finger vibe for extra clit stim, but—VERY IMPORTANT—use a 100 percent waterproof toy!
5
The Deep Dive
You can have sex in the tub, sort of, if you keep your vagina landlocked at all times. Try it with your partner still in the tub, standing or kneeling, depending on the height and shape of the tub. You lie back on a towel, hips on the edge, and drape your legs over their shoulders.
6
The Freestyle
Have them kneel on a towel and squeeze a fresh bottle of lube across their chest, legs, and penis or strap-on. Use the whole damn bottle: Rub some over your boobs (always a crowd pleaser), then sit on their legs, drizzling the last bit between your own as you slide onto them. Go ahead and make a mess—it’s a perfect excuse to hop back in the tub!
7
The Rubber Ducky
Penetrative sex underwater is hard for several reasons. One, you can still totally get pregnant or contract STIs underwater. Two, condoms will fall off. And three, the insane dryness of chlorinated water will bum everyone out. So you’ve gotta go offshore. Your partner sits at the edge of the tub, and you kneel with your legs on either side of them, facing the tub. You control how deep you want to go, and they can enjoy the view of the water and your fine butt.
8
The Lifeboat
If the hot tub is your own and if you absolutely know it’s pH-balanced, insanely sanitary, and all that, then hell, risk it and hop in naked. But even then, no penetration in the water! (Am I yelling again? Sorry.) Have your naked soak together, get all relaxed and turned on, then get out. Wrap yourself in clean, warm towels, lie down, and go all out with lube. You’ll fulfill your hot tub fantasies, sans any chafing.
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