Men, on the other hand, aren’t (typically) afforded that same ability. For guys, climax is usually linked to ejaculation. And these explosive orgasms are often understood to be unique to the male sexual experience. But maybe it’s time to revisit that conversation. Maybe men and women aren’t as different as we thought. Because as international sex educator Deborah Sundahl told me, “Men don’t own ejaculation, it’s just been taken from women.”
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The world of female ejaculation is ripe with mystery and magic, and those who have experienced it will attest to the latter. But a great deal of skepticism still revolves around the act. Younger generations may think it’s a stunt invented by the porn industry, and in a way, that makes sense. But there’s a very big difference between what the porn industry calls “squirting” and what sex educators know as “female ejaculation.” Namely because not everyone is built to “hit the wall,” so to speak. But As Sundahl explained to me, every woman is anatomically able to ejaculate.
Sundahl specializes in teaching women and couples about the G-spot and female ejaculation.
Despite claims that the G-spot doesn’t exist, the region, named for Ernst Gräfenberg, has been recognized as a “functioning female organ,” and is known within wider academic circles as “the female prostate.” So yes, the G-spot is real. For any and all woman who have experienced a G-spot orgasm, it’s very real. And for the women who haven’t experienced this kind of orgasm, it’s there. They just haven’t located it yet. But what many of us may not have realized is that with this level of orgasm comes a more obvious manifestation of pleasure: ejaculation.
As I mentioned before, Sundahl insists that every woman is capable of experiencing ejaculation. Better yet, every woman is able to learn how to ejaculate; there are just a few steps we need to experiment with first.
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Sundahl told me, “To learn how to ejaculate is to learn, number one, where your prostate is located in your body. Number two, to build awareness of its sensitivity, which will lead to number three: awareness of the ejaculate fluid building in your body.”
She threw in numbers four and five, saying we must also to learn to “build the ejaculate.” The last part, and perhaps the most difficult, is gaining the confidence to release it.
Even Aristotle made mention of female ejaculation. In the Tantric religion, female ejaculate is referred to as amrita, which translates to “the nectar of the Gods.” Galen of Pergamon once wrote that female ejaculate “manifestly flows from women as they experience the greatest pleasure in coitus.”
The G-spot, or the female prostate, can be found through the roof of the vagina. The ejaculate, however, is expelled from the urethra. For this reason, many people mistakenly believe that the fluid they feel compelled to release during sex is urine. That is so unfortunate in so many different ways. For one, nothing takes the sexy out of sex quite like being accused of peeing on someone. Bodily fluids have a tendency to gross people out, and urine seems to be a top offender.
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Sundahl told me, “I ask women in my lecture to raise their hands—and I’ve done this for years so I have big anecdotal evidence—how many women stop in the middle of making love to go to the bathroom. And 30% will raise their hand. And then I ask how many of you wait until you’re done making love, meaning, they have to pee during lovemaking, and they have to wait to go, and another 30% raise their hands. That’s 60% of women holding back their ejaculate not knowing it’s ejaculate, thinking it’s pee…They hold back, clench their pelvic floor muscles. Some women don’t even want to have sex because it feels funny… they think something is wrong with them when they have sex. This is a big, big, big problem, this is a big issue, and the correct information must get out there.”
Susan Block, founder and director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute, tells me, “We women, we’re told early on that we should be clean, we have to be careful… I think this is a big reason that a lot of women just don’t want to ejaculate. It’s just not something we feel is attractive —some of us. But I think that’s changing and women are becoming more accepting of our bodily fluids and more understanding of what ‘clean’ means. You can be perfectly clean and ejaculate.”
She added, “Part of my mission with female ejaculation education is to help these women feel normal. Because they are. And it’s a normal reaction. And it’s a sexual reaction – they aren’t incontinent.”
“I’m not against golden showers, but this is a different thing.”
That being said, there’s no easy way of convincing anyone of anything they don’t want to believe. Those who want to think the fluid that (some) women expel during sex is plain urine will likely continue believing just that. But those individuals probably haven’t spent much time around the stuff.
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